Meh

I've been meaning to update this for weeks now, I want to remember everything that is happening with this pregnancy.
Anyway things aren't so good at the moment. Baby is due in 3 weeks - I've had a pretty strong feeling for a few months that he is coming early though and by his recent movements my doctor also thinks that is a possibility.
I also have to have an iron infusion in two days, I've been getting more and more exhausted and dizzy and after another blood test found that my iron level is practically non existant at the moment. But considering I have had crap iron levels for as long as I remember it is a bit exciting to see how much better I feel.
Although I have my driving test tomorrow. I have realised I haven't actually done any reverse parking or parallel parking which could be a problem. If I fail this test it could be another two months before I can get a booking, by which time I will have a baby and I have to have my log book for 6 months after passing a driving test and I really need my license as soon as possible.
Also Mum is in hospital. She got sick about a week ago, it looked to me like the flu. But she got worse, I took her to the doctors on Monday (really appreciating the fact that I at least have my L's this week) and they seemed to think she had a UTI and I can't remember what else. They gave her antibiotics and some forms for a bunch of blood tests. So she spent the week in bed taking the antibiotics and lots of panadol and eating almost nothing. By Friday she was only getting worse so I took her in to the hospital to get the blood tests done and then in to her doctor again. The doctor didn't have the blood test results but gave her some different antibiotics and some panadeine forte, they told her to try drink at least 3L of water a day because she was so severely dehydrated, and suggested if she couldn't she may need to go to the hospital to get rehydrated by an IV.
So I took her back home, put her to bed with her new antibiotics and a panadeine which knocked her out. She woke up about 6 but couldn't even stay awake to get to the bathroom or get through a sentence. So i called the hospital and my sister and they both thought she should go in to the hospital. So Dad managed to get her into the car, she was so out of it and could hardly walk. I thought they would just rehydrate her overnight and she would come home in the morning but its Sunday now and she is still there. They have her on the fluid IV drip and well as IV antibiotics, and she seemed much better yesterday if for only being rehydrated. But they took a bunch of blood on Friday night because they think she has a blood infection and those results won't be in until at least late today. They also think she has diabetes, apparently her blood sugar has been pretty severe.
So just to make it all about me, I feel so guilty because I have been cooking almost all her meals the last few months and only now does she go down with diabetes. Because I tried to look after her and feel like I palmed her off to the hospital. And because now she is stuck in the hospital which I know must make her miserable.
I know, selfish thoughts but I can't help it.
In pregnancy news my 'belly' is relatively small considering time is almost up. It's way smaller than every other woman in my antenatal class and everyone I speak to is amazed I've only got weeks to go, its a bit weird.
The doctor said the baby is a really good size though, and I have only put on 3 kilos in the last 20 weeks so its pretty much all baby and I may myself actually end up weighing less than I did before I was pregnant which is a nice thought.
The stretch marks aren't quite so good. They could be worse I guess but once they started they multiplied rapidly and look horrific around the scar of my belly button piercing (years ago removed). So I am cocoa buttering it up to the best of my ability but all that seems to do is maybe make them less itchy.
Baby also appears to be "engaging" - moving into position where his head will settle in between my pelvic bones, then its just a waiting game, seems two weeks from the time he is fully settled that it will all start happening.
I'm freaking out about the birth and still feeling pretty alone in it. Still having dramas with sister C so yesterday once and for all decided it will not be beneficial having her as my support person and sister E is going to try make it instead, should be fine, sounds like labour will go on for absolutely forever. I wish sister C and I could just stop trying to make our relationship something its not and never will be, we just don't interact well together. Best friend S is coming over too, bit of a guessing game as to whether he will be here while I'm in hospital because of the uncertain timing of the birth and the fact that he has a life in Melbourne and has only so much leeway which is fair enough. And I may need to call on B if i need someone while E is making her way here. Mum just doesn't want to see her daughter in that much pain, I think she was a bit freaked out by seeing E go through it. B is being great though, really helping me out. I have a few things like this iron infusion and my last antenatal class that Mum just isn't up for this week and although I am waiting for confirmation I'm pretty sure B will help me out.
Oh and on other pregnancy news my feet have started doing that swelling thing, they hurt and they itch and they are hot and puffy, it sucks. And the baby is starting to actually hurt me, with my belly not being so big he is pulling on (well pushing on i guess) my stomach muscles near my ribs, as well as with him being down in my pelvis there is quite a bit of pain there, only on the right side which is weird. It's mostly bad when I stand up and the pressure is applied, but last night I couldn't even roll over because of this pain in my right side, I am trying to sleep mostly on my left side because apparently the way you spend most of your time directs the way they settle in to come out and there is a certain way you want them to come out to avoid additional pain, his spine should be along my belly facing out, if his spine is facing my spine it will hurt more. Well his spine has been lined along my right side the last few months, so if he slides down that way is very much not good.
Anyway that's my updates for now, most likely I will have a baby by the time I get back here.