Bump in the night

So 18 weeks now. Just wanted to report that there is definitely a bump working its way out now.

The other night my sister and I realised we could actually feel the head or maybe the bum, something round and hard to the side of the bump, can still feel it with a bit of prodding, its kind of cool. Ultrasound will be good to confirm what that is, and if its a boy or girl! Can't wait!

So B is single now. Shattered though, of course with everything he has gone through in the last month. We are too far away from each other to see each other and while I really want to try comfort him and cheer him up, at least this way we both have a chance to keep some perspective and not jump into something with him on the rebound and me needing to be really careful and thinking about how it will affect the baby.

Going back down in 3 weeks, will be good. I'm kind of over it here, I don't know why I feel like it will be any less boring there but I'm just going crazy up here at the moment. Then will be househunting with Mum and Dad, did I mention we are going to look for a house to rent together which is like separated? So something like they have a house and I have the granny flat, or they have upstairs, I have downstairs. And this way I can help them pay the rent and bills which will be good.

Anyway thats about it for now.

Heartbeat

So 17 weeks in and I am still feeling reasonably sick but managing to control it better than I was.

Have been feeling the baby move just a little bit, weird little twinges now and then. Not much going on in the bump area. Went to the doctors today and heard the heartbeat for the first time, was so awesome, I nearly cried. E was with me and heard it too. Doctor is starting to get worried because I still have not put on even a gram of weight, judging by the shoes I was wearing today it seems likely I have lost weight in the last month which is definetly not a good thing. So have been instructed to eat more, which seems like a pretty good proposition to me, only I am eating as much as I can! lol. I really can't manage breakfast and I fill up pretty fast these days so I think I'll have to get into the lots of smaller meals thing.

It's pretty cold here, bucketing down, summer appears to be over. Will be moving down to Mum and Dads town next month which will be even colder, need to buy some warmer clothes I think, and these jeans aren't going to take any growing once it decides to happen.

So that's about it for now :) I'm off to watch cooking shows and try make myself hungry.

Yawn

It's 4am, have been awake for ages - stewing.
Sister C is in her bitch mode and we are all in the same house for Easter, and now I look like a bitch for biting back when she was patronising me all afternoon. And we are all supposed to play happy families so Mum doesn't disown us again like Christmas.
She brings out the worst in me I swear, everything has been going so well but then she does not like the way I am living and is going to be a bitch about it.
Oh and I had a complete and utter teary at dinner over nothing, luckily it was obvious it was over nothing but I just couldn't stop crying! Bloody hormones.
Thinking all up I should just stay in my room all weekend, but no doubt that would upset someone too.

oh

Oh god I think I might still love B a little bit

Continuing on.

I kind of feel like this still isn't completely real. I've wanted a baby for so long that I sort of keep expecting them to discover I am not actually pregnant, thats its a hysterical pregnancy or something, or that all those issues I was having will mean the baby won't even survive and it's in the wrong place or something. But one month and we will see. The bump is sort of becoming apparent to me, and I got Mum to feel it the other day too, but not quite "popped" yet, should be soon though.

So I just found out through a mutual friend that my utteirly lovely ex boyfriend, B is having a bit of a hard time. Not good, I had actually really been wanting to get in touch will him since I got home, miss him so much, but I wasn't sure he would want to hear from me. But then this friend told me he is having a really hard time in the form of a fiance who seems to be a control freak and really, a bitch. He is so much better than that, its so sad. So the friend asked me to get in touch with him, thought he could use someone to talk to. I'm not sure I can help, and ex girlfriend who is pregnant and single but he means the world to me and he is just so much better than all that!

So messaged him, is going well, don't really know if I can help much, can't exactly break them up (wow, look at me all grown up! I would have relished the thought a few years ago!) but I hope he see's he deserves so much better.

Hmm have to do Easter baking today, hope I can be bothered at some stage, certainly can't at the moment. May go in search of food though...